Pixel-art version of the show photo: Marcie in a green leather coat is hoisted up to peer through a brick-building window at night while Ben, holding her up, glances nervously over his shoulder.
CAPTION: THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY THE REAL ELVIS COSTELLO

HELP,I’M AT THEELMO!

A comedy music series · Live from the El Mocambo

The biggest and brightest stars on Earth. Only it’s not really them.

▶ PRESS START

INSERT COIN [ENTER] · TAP TO PLAY

© 2026 HELP, I’M AT THE ELMO!
ALL GUESTS, NEWS AND AWARDS ENTIRELY MADE UP. PROBABLY.

STAGE 0 · THE STORY SO FAR

HELP, I’M AT THE ELMO!

NARRATOR:

“Help, I’m At The Elmo” is a cross between The Office, Entertainment Tonight and The Trump Cabinet. The entire show is a rickety boat of chaos and backstabbing kept afloat on a sea of bald-faced lies and jaw-dropping incompetence. And it all takes place under the legendary roof of one of the most famous rock clubs in the world!▼

OUR PHILOSOPHY: REALITY? HARD PASS.

Reality can be such a severely limiting construct and the show’s creators were just way too smart to fall into that trap. “I’m At The Elmo: books the biggest and brightest stars on Earth, only it’s not really them. They have mind-blowing exclusive, blockbuster news stories that never happened. They win huge prestigious awards honouring their work, that don’t exist. None of this would be remotely possible if they were lashed to the outdated mast of honesty and integrity.

  • Book the biggest stars on Earth
  • Break blockbuster news that never happened
  • Win awards that don’t exist
  • Honesty & integrity (skipped)

STAGE 1 · OUR THREE MAIN STARS

SELECT YOUR “TALENT” (SIC)

◀ ▶ ARROW KEYS OR TAP TO SELECT · STATS ARE AS REAL AS THE AWARDS

FULL CHARACTER BIOS:

Marcie is a petty, self-centred gold-digger and quite possibly the world’s worst interviewer. Ben is homeless because he spends every penny he makes on expensive suits and personal grooming products… oh, and he’s also not a very good interviewer. Tiffany, the intern, is young, smart, disgruntled, bitter and foul-mouthed and is handed all the crap jobs nobody else wants to do. She would be a fantastic interviewer, if she wasn’t doing their laundry, cleaning their dressing rooms and pissing in the coffee she brings them every morning.

BONUS ROUND · THE UNTRUE NEWS

HIGH SCORES (NEVER HAPPENED)

★ THE UNTRUE NEWS ★

  1. 1STTaylor Swift announces ultra-exclusive vinyl variant pressed onto the heads of two bald guys she met at a party999990
  2. 2NDTrivia: the planet Jupiter was once a non-credited member of ABBA875000
  3. 3RDHealth experts confirm Keith Richards’ lip grease is on just over half of all cigarettes ever smoked640500
  4. 4THLos Bravos singer no longer wants his baby back — he’d rather have a big tangy stick of rhubarb512250
  5. 5THTonight: Ray Davies! Drake! (Caption: No. No, they aren’t.)000000
  6. 6THChompers, world’s oldest alligator, still has bits of Johnny Weissmuller stuck in his teeth333333
  7. 7THElvis Costello drops by for a hard-hitting chat about carrots, next to a man in a carrot suit. Correction: that was not actually the real Elvis Costello.-00001
  8. 8THAlso inside: Diana Krall, live from the powder room. Probably.120000

EXCLUSIVE · BLOCKBUSTER · NEVER HAPPENED · HOVER TO PAUSE

STAGE 2 · THE PILOT

LEVEL 1: COMING SOON

LEVEL 1

COMING SOON

Starring nobody you think it is

FINAL BOSS: OUR KILLER CLOSING ARGUMENT

*cricket noises* … (we’ll get back to you)▼

CONTINUE? 9… 8… 7…

BOOK THE STARS. (NOT THE REAL ONES.)

Partners, press and producers: get in touch with Miss Marcie, Canada’s Pinup Girl.

EMAILcontact@example.com (coming soon)
MISS MARCIEmissmarcie.rocks →
SOCIALSLinks coming soon