Help, I’m atThe Elmo!
The biggest and brightest stars on Earth. Only it’s not really them.
DUN DUN DUNNN!
Totally Real Photo*
Chaos under a legendary roof
“Help, I’m At The Elmo” is a cross between The Office, Entertainment Tonight and The Trump Cabinet. The entire show is a rickety boat of chaos and backstabbing kept afloat on a sea of bald-faced lies and jaw-dropping incompetence. And it all takes place under the legendary roof of one of the most famous rock clubs in the world!
Reality? Hard pass.
Reality can be such a severely limiting construct and the show’s creators were just way too smart to fall into that trap. “I’m At The Elmo” books the biggest and brightest stars on Earth, only it’s not really them. They have mind-blowing exclusive, blockbuster news stories that never happened. They win huge prestigious awards honouring their work, that don’t exist. None of this would be remotely possible if they were lashed to the outdated mast of honesty and integrity.
The “Talent” (sic)
Marcie
A petty, self-centred gold-digger and quite possibly the world’s worst interviewer.
Ben
Homeless because he spends every penny he makes on expensive suits and personal grooming products… oh, and he’s also not a very good interviewer.
Tiffany
Young, smart, disgruntled and bitter, and handed all the jobs nobody else wants to do. A fantastic interviewer, if she weren’t doing everyone’s laundry.
The legend sits down with our hosts for a hard-hitting chat about carrots, next to a man in a carrot suit. It gets heated. Also inside: Diana Krall, live from the powder room. Probably.
On-screen caption: This is not actually the real Elvis CostelloMarcie is a petty, self-centred gold-digger and quite possibly the world’s worst interviewer. Ben is homeless because he spends every penny he makes on expensive suits and personal grooming products… oh, and he’s also not a very good interviewer. Tiffany, the intern, is young, smart, disgruntled, bitter and foul-mouthed and is handed all the crap jobs nobody else wants to do. She would be a fantastic interviewer, if she wasn’t doing their laundry, cleaning their dressing rooms and pissing in the coffee she brings them every morning.
- Taylor Swift announces ultra-exclusive vinyl variant pressed onto the heads of two bald guys she met at a party
- Trivia: the planet Jupiter was once a non-credited member of ABBA
- Health experts confirm Keith Richards’ lip grease is on just over half of all cigarettes ever smoked
- Los Bravos singer no longer wants his baby back — he’d rather have a big tangy stick of rhubarb
- Tonight: Ray Davies! Drake! (Caption: No. No, they aren’t.)
- Chompers, world’s oldest alligator, still has bits of Johnny Weissmuller stuck in his teeth
Our killer closing argument:
*cricket noises*
(we’ll get back to you)
Socials: links coming soon